I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
