Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
