She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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