the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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