If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
where are my eyebrows?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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