the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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