Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize