I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
