OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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