My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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