I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
