no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
