At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
