I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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