I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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