so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
