I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Alive.
So much puke
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
