I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize