Swine flu. Run for my life!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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