I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
