You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
