Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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