So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
