he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They have beer where we have blood.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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