Whod you bang
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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