there was a trapeze. enough said
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He has the fingertips of a God
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