We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
