Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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