guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
