I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
