____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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