What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
