hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
