She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
