ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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