Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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