Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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