Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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