I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
