I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
