Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
