I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize