if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
