Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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