I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
