Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
