It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
