Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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