dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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