He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
