oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
