Christians are straight up FREAKS
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I puked a lego.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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