I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
