return my video game
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
