well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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