I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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