Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
