All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
