this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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