he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
