where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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