don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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