dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
