Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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