It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
