If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
