I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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