I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
