It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We left an ass print on the piano.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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