I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
