Will you blow on my dice?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
