but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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