she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
