I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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