Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
